just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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