Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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