Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
