WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
