My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
