and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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