On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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