i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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