is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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