That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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