How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
