someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
