OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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