White coat. Heels.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
