I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
