just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
