I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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