Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
