it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
