I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
