I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
