Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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