you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
