butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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