I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
