What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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