i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize