A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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