Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
