I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize