it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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