Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize