Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
