Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
