The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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