How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'm really busy with my period
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