Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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