he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
