fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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