i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
