...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
