everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
