fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
