Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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