Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
