"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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