I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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