when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
