she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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