HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
