Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
