I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize