I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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