She is in my trunk
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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