We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
