I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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