piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
