1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
