what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
