no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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