Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
