is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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