If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
