I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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