I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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