she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize