dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
