I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
this will be a night to untag.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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