It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm getting married
To pizza
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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