Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
