if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My life is pants optional.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
