Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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