Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
