Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
