I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
