I think im going to throw up on grandma
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
