Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
