well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
