ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
