girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
