We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
