Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
