Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
